Thing You Won't Be Purchasing On Amazon This Week:

ESL (English As A Second Language) Lessons Presented by Lil' Wayne.



Description: While his southern drawl and disdain for annunciation are barriers enough to learning English through the Wayne-ian system, I fear once an unsuspecting student has penetrated this cocoon of linguistic insolubility, the contents on the other side would be a detriment to his/her ability to command proper spelling and/or the rules of logic. Possessing such cognitively disabling lyrics as "Put my picture next to the definition of 'definition' because repetition is the father of learnin'" "My car's got no backseat-- call that paralyzed" and "Weezy F. Baby and the 'F' is for phenomenal", disciples of Wayne-ian thought are sure to disarm even the most seasoned and quick-witted English instructors. Non-native English speakers are sure to be further perplexed by Wayne-ian Thought's constant use of double entendres ("Let me stick my love boat in your lake, let me stick my love note in your gate"), misuse of metaphors ("We up, feet up, like a paraplegic!") and descents into Circulo-Swagtastic debauchery ("I'm the sh!t-- and that's the only thing you smell around me").

In describing the philosophy behind his stupor inducing logic progressions, the self proclaimed Martian espoused "Perfect example: If I was a bum and I told you I had a mansion around the corner and three Bentleys and twenty-eight bitches in my house butt naked waiting for me, you wouldn’t believe me. I’d say 'you stink', say 'Get out my face', give him $100, and say 'Get the fuck'. But if there was a book that said, there was this bum with a mansion with twenty bitches in it, you’ll try to use it and put it toward real life. That’s why I don’t write nothing down. That’s why I don’t believe the Bible, nothing that’s written, because nothing that’s written is to be believed". Words of wisdom, to be sure. [Full interview here.]


Not only will "ESL: Presented by Lil' Wayne Vol. I" NOT be available for $29.95 via Amazon.com, neither will the complementary children set "Using Your Indoor Voice: Presented by Lil' Jon", nor the equally instructive "Feminist Evolution in the 21st Century: Presented by A Pimp Named Slickback". And as for anyone wishing these horrific series' actually existed-- for shame [Insert Your Name Here_____], for shame.

Photo originally seen on Nah Right.